Thursday, July 31, 2008
blah blah blah, he thought he was going to offend me, but instead gave me one of the best compliments i've heard in a looooonnnnnng time. he said that i've 'really grown into [my]self.'
this is what i look like as myself after a night of karaoke and gaffney's:
also, i begin my countdown to chicago today. i guess at this point, i have 26 days left in saratoga. that's only a handful of karaokes. i'mma miss you, mark the shark.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
sylvia browne, the psychic, is on the episode of montel williams i'm watching right now. he just referenced tupac shakur.
montel is tupac. tupac is montel.
it all makes so much sense. that shiny, shiny head.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
every night i have work dreams. that's fine. but for about two weeks, chicken caesar wraps were part of my dreams.
until one day, when a customer ordered one and i told him and his family how i dream about them every night. i wasn't trying to deter him from ordering what he wanted, i just wanted to let him in on the pain that is being ally.
since then, my dreams have been chicken caesar wrap-free.
the lesson to be learned? talk about the problems that plague you. dreams tell you things. let's get it all out in the open.
Monday, July 28, 2008
today i worked my second double in a row. but today was a significantly less-busy day than yesterday. it was borderline boring.
until around 9:45 pm.
yadda yadda yadda, i was the only server still taking tables, and hostess sara came to tell me of a new one outside. upon greeting my two dining guests, i felt the date-vibe. the girl looked younger than the dude and cuter than he deserved. when i brought them their drinks (she had a soda and he a beer) and asked if they were ready to order, i realized something was off. my skills of feeling and judging energies are improving by leaps and bounds. i'll be a real psychic soon.
she said, 'order for me.'
and he was one of those customers that kept addressing me by name (some can get away with it, but men with shaved, tattooed heads can't). he was creepy and i told hostess sara to eavesdrop because i thought he might be an internet perv.
(introducing synchronicity: the title of a recent kitchen synch post, in reference to a great dateline spin-off. but matthew is not an internet perv. he's a perv and he's on the internet, but he's safe.)
yadda yadda yadda, he cuts her steak for her, he rubs her face, they walk through the restaurant to the bathrooms and he has his hand on her hip, hostess sara hears him ask about how to make 'the trip better,' hostess sara hears her say her parents are mean and he consoles her by saying they 'aren't doing anything wrong,' hostess sara hears her talk about what they have in california.
server annie is freaking out about this, as is bartender michael, and annie goes out to talk to them, offering a survey that we're supposed to be shoving down guests' throats, but says that you have to be a certain age to fill it out. she asks the girl how old she is.
the girl says, 'twelve.'
immediately, her date responds, 'her mother's right down the street.'
they pay. they leave. we watch them walk hand-in-hand across the street to borders. annie goes to find a cop. horse cop, bicycle cop and undercover chevy impala driving detective cop come over.
the lovers cross the street again and the twelve-year-old girl pets the horse. twelve-year-old girls love horses.
apparently, they told the cops that the dude was her biological dad. they were just getting to know each other, they said.
blah blah blah, they're questioned, we're questioned, and THE COPS LET THEM LEAVE TOGETHER.
i still feel guilty for serving him alcohol.
Saturday, July 26, 2008
the second worst thing about being a naturally happy, sociable person prone to loud laugh outbursts and impromptu dance routines is that if you don't feel like talking and joking and dancing and singing one day, people freak out and tell you to stop being bitchy. i'm still working on getting over that.
Friday, July 25, 2008
waking up and finding a judge show you didn't know existed on the television is good.
sometimes things have different weights.
always, dancing to hott '80s jams with fun friends at a night club is the recipe for a good night. especially if it's only you and your friends on the dance floor.
Thursday, July 24, 2008
yesterday was sort of a pathetic fallacy for me. it rained almost non-stop. not to say that i was completely depressed, but the weather felt good for the mood i was in. or vice versa.
and i had another serendipitous encounter with my jesus-lovin' friend.
after hanging out with yarnell at the convenience store for at least an hour (more fun than it sounds), i felt restless and there was a thunderstorm so i went strollin'. i was hoping to find my friend because talking with him is always pleasant and relatively free of shallow small talk, but we don't have each other's phone numbers so i knew it would have to be the stars (or G-O-D!) that would bring us together.
sho 'nuff, i found him. drenched and in a trench coat, he stood in a spot we've both been known to stand for hours on end. we decided to have a drink, which turned into a couple, and the evening unfolded into a really nice night on the patio with other fun friends.
and of course, cheryl was in typical form (for most of us, i'd substitute 'rare' for 'typical'). then she vanished. oops.
the rain has stopped and it makes me kind of sad. i could go for one more rainy night. alas, the pathetic fallacy has come to its end.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
anyway, i learned today -- while quickly glancing at CNN on a gym tv -- about hurricane dolly.
there is synchronicity there.
a few weeks ago i was jammin' with jack buf and we decided i should have a stage name too. dede was home and she helped us pick it: dolly satin. i've decided that will forever be my stage name. it's great. i even used it once last night at karaoke.
and now hurricane dolly blows into town. it's all so fitting.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
i have a friend who does, though. and i ran into him tonight in a serendipitous way.
he was feeling sad and we sat and talked (i mostly listened. believe it or not, i'm really good at that. i'm often the listener. no one ever wants to hear me.) and he told me how he's been praying about this problem but he hasn't gotten an answer from God yet.
i gave him advice and i think he's going to take it and i said, 'do you think God sent me? did i give you the answer?!' and then he quoted some scripture about truth coming from unexpected places or something.
so God spoke through me. and i still don't believe in him. my friend (the one i'm writing about) would say i'm screwed during the apocalypse because of this.
it was a pretty intense 45-minute-bench-sit. it made me question a lot about myself, really. it also made me a little depressed. and very anxious to get through the summer and go to chicago (i made up my mind, i think!).
Monday, July 21, 2008
when adam sent me the link last night, i was kind of scared to watch it. i was afraid it would be bad. my fears have vanished and i'm so excited to see this movie. i also think i'm going to finally buy a copy of the book today on my break. i gotta.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
there was many karaokes and there was new apartment-hanging-outs and there was porch-jamming and there was a pretty walk home.
also, dede and i watched 'freaky friday,' starring jamie lee curtis and lindsay lohan. we were angry and frustrated, but we never turned the channel.
Saturday, July 19, 2008
i didn't get to see my sister-in-law or her husband, that was disappointing.
i want someone to just tell me where to go in september. tell me that that is where i have to be and there's no way around it and then i can move forward with daydreaming and online apartment hunting. all this back-and-forth is consuming me and i don't like it.
also, my ex-boss sent me an e-mail full of photos like this:
Thursday, July 17, 2008
but then i thought about karma and how i'll have to make sure i've earned this. perhaps it's because i wasn't too too upset at the family of four frenchies that left me a 35-cent tip on a 60-dollar check the other night.
bobby c caught the happiness on his iphone:
can you feel the love between andrew jackson and i? you couldn't break that gaze with a laser.
also, while jammin' out on caroline street last night, we encountered Bizarro Ben.
ben was playing uke and i was on xylophone (later i was called 'glockenspiel,' so maybe that's what my instrument is, but a name is a name and a rose is a rose -- i care not), and this little guy came up and starting playing mandolin with us.
he had blonde curly hair, metal glasses and a red plaid shirt. ben has straight brown hair, plastic glasses and a green plaid shirt. their instruments were both wee, but different. it was lovely.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
so many circles have been spinning in my head and my life and your life, also. always circles. always cycles.
almost a full moon tonight, and i guess it's all been building up to this. i'm excited for whatever tomorrow might bring.
i had some weird sort of breakthrough the other day about circles and cycles and eternity and ouroboros.
A week of wandering over and I just sat and waited.
Up, up stairs and then stares and laughs and language and one night some body language and “what now?” and nothing more, that’s what.
Went for a long cold walk.
As rain melts snow, the shit we didn’t clean up before the frost is shown and its uglier than when it fell. That’s what we have to deal with, though. It’s spring. It’s a second chance.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
for me, it's far easier to write when i'm happy. not to refute a point shawn makes early in her post, i have indeed been deemed a 'shitty writer,' by ladies and gentlemen alike. this is fine. but allow me to write some more (oddly enough, i think i'm ascending my emotional rollercoaster, though it's not an exciting hill -- just a medium one that plateaus as it curves).
when i'm sad, i just write stupid, cliche garbage about loneliness and despair and self-loathing and blah blah blah. who wants to read that? not me. so i usually don't even re-read it for fear of encouraging my depression and diving deeper into loneliness, despair and self-loathing (blah blah blah).
when i'm happy, i'm silly and i want to tell the world of how wonderful it is to be a girl named allyson megan brisbin.
so, shawn, don't give me this crap about happy writing not being worth reading. i'd much rather read about you eating nachos and drinking beer at lebanon valley speedway and other stuff than read the drivel i come up with late at night when i'm sad that some dude didn't call or that i don't know where to move in a month and half or that my boss's aunt's helper-friend told me i've put on weight (like i don't know this).
two days ago felt like a dream from beginning to end. visiting nate at his new job injected a more fun and silly scene into a string of monotony and self-reflection (wah wah wah).
my neighborhood lends itself to walking with headphones spilling perfect tunes into my ears and never wanting to go home because the dreamy feeling is beautiful, whether ideal or not. last night i couldn't go home. the moon was waxing and yellowy-orange and there were clouds and i was decompressing after working a double and i was waiting for a phone call and i was listening to kimya dawson and i wanted to cry from the magnitude of power of it all.
i didn't cry. i got the phone call as i turned on my street to go home, giving up on the prospect of any future phone calls. i got onto the roof and the moon was behind the trees. the phone call made me really not want to cry and instead i did some laughing and told a few secrets and tried to make chicago plans. then i got into bed and had a real dream.
my real dreams have been vivid lately, but all so similar. so many work dreams. and dreams that are just weird twists on real-life occurrences from the day. when i wake up, i'm never quite sure what really happened and what didn't.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Thursday, July 10, 2008
i've been kind of holding my breath because i've had no official notification that i actually graduated college. and there was something on my little personal page on the New Paltz site that had me thinking that maybe i still had a few upper division credits left. i was scared.
alas, yesterday i received a bachelor of the arts cum laude in journalism from SUNY New Paltz in the mail.
3.61 gpa, if i may toot my own horn.
what a relief.
Monday, July 7, 2008
one of my tables at work was a couple who was in town for a few days visiting. they were asking me about the mineral baths and other stuff to do around town and they were super sweet. they didn't have dessert after their meal -- they said they were going to walk around and then come back. i figured they'd find gelato or ben & jerry's and be set.
after a drink and a grilled cheese sandwich, i was heading down to gaffney's to see dad rock out. the couple was on the patio waiting for dessert. i stopped to say hi/bye to them again and they told me they'd been at gaffney's this whole time listening to 'great' music!
i love circularity.
also, i had a really fun time rocking out on liz's porch after it all. dad totally inspired us.
Saturday, July 5, 2008
i had planned on having a lil' party, but, as always happens whenever i've tried to have birthday parties, no one came. that's a bit of a lie. ben and nate were here, but that's not too out of the ordinary. alas, i had a fine time hanging out with my roommates and two of my favorite dudes on the roof before heading into town for fireworks. i even made some musics.
then ben and i watched the (disappointing) fireworks from nate's roof. then we braved the masses and hit the bars. the rest of the night takes a blurry turn from there, but it involved friends and ukelele and birthday cake and sparklers on my roof.
i didn't see any of my family, which is the first time that's ever happened, i think.
birthdays are weird. around midnight on thursday i was thinking how it's really kind of selfish to expect the day to be so special. it doesn't even really make sense.
but, even though the party was a bust, i received lots of nice phone calls and messages from people so i know that i'm special. so so special.
Friday, July 4, 2008
after jack buf played at open mic night, i headed down to karaoke with some work friends and i sang my patsy cline song (he didn't have my newer karaoke tunes), and immediately after me was someone who had signed up for an eminem song. dude didn't come get the mic, so i took over.
i killed it. i had people dancing and just looking at me with shock. i heard that someone called me 'a school teacher gone wild.' you see, we went to karaoke at the saratoga city tavern, a joint filled with bros and hos alike. a place you go in your finest party shirt in hopes of waking up the next morning next to a stranger.
and there i was, lookin' like me, rapping like it was nobody's business. whodathought?
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
one of my favorite friends is back in town for a week (but, sadly, leaving tomorrow) and we were riding bikes into town to meet up with other friends and i swear, i'd dreamt this moment before. adam and i have never rode bikes together down jefferson street in july twilight.
it was beautiful and magical and just like a dream i think i had. or at least some totally sweet deja vu.
then we played darts and i did really well and we had a lot of good songs on the jukebox. i'm very sad that he's leaving me tomorrow. but we'll see each other again soon. and often if i end up moving to chicago.
all loyal blog readers should comment with suggestions of where i should move in september. i'm at a loss. chicago and boston are at the top of my list right now. what do you think?