hat trick (or treat)

today's synchronicity: SALT!

1. jeff was sitting outside talking to this lady who is always around talking to herself and drinking water and smoking cigarettes in the neighborhood. she told him she doesn't like the taste of beer, so she puts a little salt in it. it makes it taste better, she said. he came in and told me about it.

2. i ran into buddy eric and he showed me the book he just began reading:


3. while running a route i run at least three times a week, i noticed for the first time two huuuuuge piles of salt in a lakeside parking lot. i think it was salt. i think it was road salt, preparing for winter. maybe it's been there all along. or maybe it just arrived today.

i need a new job

i'm bringing manners back.

from now on, every customer that orders without saying 'please,' 'may i have ... ,' or something else that shows a little bit of respect will not be served until they answer this question correctly: 'what's the magic word?'

and if they answer incorrectly, i might accidentally sneeze or cough while i'm pouring coffee. and not say 'excuse me.'


speak of the halloween devil: a woman just came in, and i said 'hi!'

she didn't look at me.

i said, 'how's it going?'

she kept scanning the counter.

i said, 'can i get you something?'

she said, 'i see you.'

i said, 'oh. i was just saying hi.' bitch. i said the 'bitch' part in my head. what's wrong with peoples?

i saw orion in the suburban sky

so i've been thinking this apartment has a ghost since i moved in. now i'm not so sure.

my roommates and i tried using the ouija board tonight (i swear there was no arm-twisting involved -- i wasn't even the one to suggest it!). either the ghost was speaking through the cat or nathan's skepticism scared him off. nothing happened.

we're not completely discouraged, though. we're going to try again with candles.

in the ghosts' defense, we decided to use it shortly after midnight on halloween. ghosts is busy.

what should i be for halloween?

a palin?


delirium from the sandman?

an oinker?

it's the (mystical) thought that counts

adam gave me gifts last night. he made good on his promise to bedazzle my new phone:


and a store-bought (not how he acquired it) ouija board! consider my love life drought over, friends. the ouija is great bait for bringin' boys home!!

but i think i just contacted evil with it.

bathroom diaries, part 1

for a while, i'd say at least two or three years, i've been dreaming up a writing project all about weird bathroom memories/experiences. i've written a few entries here and there, but it's all kind of embarrassing and if i share my bathroom secrets then i don't have a whole lot of secrets left, and that scares me.

looking for a paper i wrote in college, i stumbled across this:

We were talking about our weird little quirks we had when we were little. Ashley thought she had magic powers and could make the wind blow. Marly started a club for kids who were attacked by ghosts at night. Karina had to sleep with her back against the wall so that no one would sneak up on her in the night.
I thought Freddy Kruger lived in the toilet and wanted to bite my butt.

look at this from a recent postsecret myspace blog:


and now for one of the coolest things i've seen in a bathroom:


you push that little red button on the left and the plastic liner is mechanically moved and 'fresh' (though i'm not sure where the sat-upon plastic goes or how it is sanitized) plastic comes out of the other side.

so cool. that's at the big library downtown. another reason for me to spend my days off there.

welcoming s.a.d.

so i woke up today and realized that i'm depressed. i don't wanna be. so i set out to do stuff.

on my way to mail a postsecret (my second of the month!), i was asked for change by this guy that comes into the coffee shop at least once a day and tells us to give him dollars for his coins. lindsay and i always have to remind him to say 'please.' i told him i didn't have any change. he's much sweeter when he's begging.

it made me even more depressed. beggars really get me down. i always think about how i'd probably kill myself if i were in their shoes.

then other stuff happened and it wasn't so bad.

then i returned home to this mess of a desk:


i won't even show you the rest of my room. super depressing.

there, i feel better now. blogging is like having a mute friend.

still recovering from a zombie disco

when my dictionary.com word of the day earlier this week was 'synecdoche,' i thought about writing a microblog post about it sounding like schenectady (or neglectady as i like to call it).

then i read this article on slate tonight.

i guess there's no real point to any of this, just a reminder that sometimes synchronicities aren't what they seem and sometimes they are.

"is this a coffee shop?"

after i answered "... yeah." the asker handed me this:


another classic from my friday night shift:

"will you make sure it's (hot chocolate) hot?"
sure, beotch. is 160 degrees good for you? that's burnt milk.

memories of the villian in 'grease'

nothing synchronous about this:


just gross and weird, right?

so proud to work here

this is probably why jeff elected me to write all our boards:


this is not my doing.

some news fo' dat ass

so i think i'm going to dedicate myself to figuring out a way to eke out a living by being a blogstress. i beat myself up for not writing more (in the traditional english-major sense), but then i think about my bloggin' skillz and i think that this is a medium/genre that i 'get' (not hard to get, i know) and i shouldn't discount my prolific career as a synchronicity correspondent on the internets.

anyway, so for news, i answered a craigslist ad for a chicago-based art web site that was searching for submissions and bloggers. they fell madly in love with me and i'll be blogging regularly for them as soon as they get everything in order. no, i won't be getting paid for this. but whatever. it'll keep me busy or something. and i can add it to my resume. i'm excited for it.

in other news, i'm going to a meetup.com blogger group meeting this week. i don't know that i'll really put anything i learn there to use on kitchen synch, but i like discussing this stuff, so i guess i'll meet like-minded bloggers. or bloggers who write about real stuff, not dream accounts and fake synchronicities and kittens and smelly hipsters.

also, i was thinking tonight that i want to do some sort of lifestyle challenge that i can blog about. any ideas? i mean challenge in the sense of going on the master cleanse fast or not putting 3 packets of splenda in my cappuccino or not using the internet so much. then i could report back about it and maybe it might be funny or enlightening or something. what do you think?

... i need a better hobby.

the troggs rule

to call this synchronicity is probably a stretch, but stretching is good for the mind, body and soul.

yesterday i was thinking how i have to call the election board to make sure i'm really registered in illinois. when allan came home and i came out of my lair to say "hiiiii!" and he said it back and then said, "oh, you got a thing in the mail today." and i said, "ugh, i don't want a thing." i was thinking it was a college-loan-repayment-thing. and he said, "no, this is a good thing."

it was this:


i'mma vote the crap out of this election. maybe i'll fix my nail polish before then, too.

makin' beautiful music together

sometimes i wish the theme of my blog was examining daily cutenesses rather than daily synchronicities.

in the spirit of all things cute, i present linus, the synth-lovin' kitten:

handsome customer returns and ally spits game

remember the dream i had about the koi fish? there's more synchronicity with that!

after escaping the snake, i found the youngest lenz child and he was being silly with an upside-down dugga-dugga (that means pacifier). so i emailed dianna to tell her about it and she said that natey had a scary dream about snakes that week too!

more dream meetings! i love it!

handsome customer leaves abruptly

i hope google makes the goggle technology available for blogger.

ugh.

my light-up l.a. gears are in the mail

remember those assholes i wrote about a few weeks ago? it's hip these days (this explanation is for dad in case he ever reads this rag) for ironic fashion statements to be fashionable in spite of and because of their irony.

look:



this dude on the bus the other night was wearing british knights and bad jeans and a too-tight jacket. his girlfriend was waaayyyy too hot for him. he didn't even seem appreciative.

i'm glad i have a camera phone. they didn't have them in the 90s.

freedom is free, b!tch

check it:


i went to the freedom museum today. i was nearly moved to tears.

it's a pretty neat little museum with really great interactive features. it ignited a spark in me that has only ever been lit while in media ethics classes and during class discussions of the first amendment. it affirmed for me that i do want to go to grad school and that i want to do media studies, and then teach.

and now for the synchronicity:

i had a pretty vivid dream last night that i'm still examining to figure out what it all means to me. a major image from the dream was stream literally packed tight with koi fish and one goldfish-colored cobra that sort of chased me, but i escaped him.



as i was walking down michigan avenue to the museum, i passed a woman wearing a grey crewneck sweatshirt with two koi fish on it and it said something about a koi expo or something in maryland or virginia.

i won't forget you, little people

check it out:


kitchen synch has been linked to by a web site run by people i don't even know in real life!

i e-mailed the steeez people tonight in admiration for their brilliant blog and in solicitation of friendship. i received praise and a link in return.

a good end to an average day. i think it's because mercury is finally out of retrograde.

joe the plumber

i don't know when i'll learn.

i'm a freak magnet. that's not news to anyone. i welcome them into my life, really.



but there's such a fine line between these freaks being amusing and being imposing and annoying.

i think that if i were colder toward everyone, i'd never have to worry about this fine line. can someone help me hate a little more?

update:

not long after posting this, normal customers were super cool and nice to me. i just get high off feces-fumes from certain freaks and need to vent sometimes.

will and grace

jeff and i bought the exact same boxes of chalk for the work chalkboard! and we both got 'em at jewel!

in his words (not mine): synchronicity!!


this post is for you, jeff fox!

the morning of an almost full moon

the cutest thing happened today, which helped me easily greet the still-sunless morning.

i opened the cafe today, which means a wake-up call of roughly 5:15 am. so i get up, go in the bathroom, do my thing, and go back into my room to get dressed and pack my bag. it's still hot out, so i slept with the window open last night.

i re-enter my room and there is a black cat walking toward me. he looked nothing like this stud muffin, who i would expect to see struttin' through my bedchambers:


there was a 25-second time span of sheer confusion and minor panic. what? how did a cat climb through the screen of my second floor window? did it get in through the back door? is it a ghost or something?

then it hit me.

not the cat, but the reason for the cat being here. and then the other one, not monty, walked into the room. my roommate's girlfriend has kittens that sometimes come over to play with montell. this is the first time she's brought them over since i moved in.

look how cute:

a customer said the f.u. thing to me tonight and i ain't even care!

i've been contacting people in my dreams a lot lately.

last night i dreamt of my customer friend who moved and i haven't seen in like two weeks. and i was also thinking today about how he had one of my favorite books and how i probably wouldn't get it back, but it's okay because i like him.

i wasn't supposed to work tonight but i did and i came in to find said book on the counter! friend dropped it off! i guess he came in last night lookin' for me. then he popped in later while i was there and we hugged!

lookadat!

idiot.

again, naps have caused confusion.

i had intended to post this to kitchen synch, but accidentally posted it to the family blog.

woops. sorry, brothers!

the nature of naps

i hate waking up from naps. it's so unpleasant and confusing and i'm always thinking 'what time is it where am i supposed to be am i late for work where am i what time is it?' during the first millisecond and a half that i am wakeful.



it's awful.

i remember one accidental nap i took as a youngster. i was super young, maybe three, and i must have fallen asleep in the late afternoon and woken up when it was dark out. i just remember being completely frightened and crying and not knowing where i was or how i got there.

awful.

get out of my dreams

since it's my sister's birthday, i called her.

we chatted, we hung up and she called right back. this usually happens. this time, she called to tell me that she ran into a family friend that we've known forever. this friend just had a baby (!!).

as she told me about seeing jen (friend, not herself in the mirror), i remembered that i saw jen (friend, not sister) in a dream last night!! there really is no reason for this woman to be in my subconscious. JENNY BRISBIN PUT HER THERE.

THAT IS SCARY. WE HAVE PSYCHIC CONNECTIONS.

holy sychronicity!

there've been some holy synchronicities in the lives of those i'm in contact with lately.

well, first there's my new favorite regular at work.

then an old co-worker sent me an e-mail linking to an article he wrote, asking for my take on the whole situation.

then a future lover sent me a txt saying she got a virgin mary towel recently at a flea market.

and today is my big sister's 35th birthday. she is the farthest thing from a virgin walking this planet. she's practically a whore! LOVE YOU JENNY!

buyin' a microkorg tomorrow

tonight i met a former card-carrying (he assured me he still has the card) member of the church of satan. he's also a former scientologist. now he's a reverend for an online gnostic christian fellowship.

he said his computer got a virus yesterday from a russian bride web site.

he was a super nice and intelligent dude. he drank at least five large (20-oz) coffees. maybe more. he was working on a newsletter for his fellowship, complete with a prayer and photos of a busty gal.

he told me what kind of pepper spray to buy and taught me how to use it effectively. he said to first make sure the attacker gets a mouthful and noseful of the stuff, then once they're on the ground, you get 'em in the eyes for a few minutes.

luckily there was nothing immediately synchronous about this pepper spray conversation and i had a safe and exhilarating post-work run.

but all this talk lately about not being safe at night makes me feel like it's being welcomed into my life and the lives of those i love. with one friend living on the south side (down the street from the obama residence!!) and another telling me how there have been a spate of muggings in our 'hood (one right in front of the bourgey condo i stayed in for a week), i'm starting to think we're all just askin' for it.

i'll buy pepper spray tomorrow.

the scent of a man

jeff and i went to see a free show at a record store in ukranian village today. i knew it'd be overwhelmingly hip in a record store in that 'hood, but i wasn't prepared for the stench.

cheap beer in cans and people too cool to shower abounded in that narrow store.



as if that wasn't bad enough, i had a really troubling wake up call. i've been looking forward to 90s revival, as far as fashions go. i was actually wearing a dress i refer to (in my mystical mind) as my 90s dress. that's what i thought the nu nineties was gonna be: ripped jeans, flannel, funny dresses ala 90210.

then the two girls came and stood near the horde of smelly dudes swigging cans of busch. they each looked like a horrible third grade school photo of a girl that you didn't want to be friends with. one of them hadn't brushed her hair in a while and donned ironic bad framed eyeglasses and wore a zip up PINECONE patterened fleece jacket. and seafoam green reebok hi-tops. her commrade was wearing faded floral print stretch pants (we called them stretch pants in the 90s). bitches thought they were being cute.



one of their male counterparts had the ironic ugly glasses, too. he also had a strap holding them on his head, kind of like this:


i heard one of his friends congratulate him on it.

moral of the blog: i'm glad i don't live in ukranian village/wicker park.

i'm alright now

real deal synchronicity finally happened last night.

i was entering a venue last night, and patiently waiting my turn to hand over $15 and show the bouncers my driver's license. as they were looking at the license of the person directly ahead of me, i heard one of them say to the other something about new york state licenses.

they said it looked fake! which shocked me because whenever people bought fake IDs in college, they would buy out of state cards and we always thought they looked fake.

so i joked around with the silly little bouncers as i handed them my new york license. they caught onto the synchronicity.

then i got goosebumps from the heartless bastards.