i immediately read the 2008 interview in The Atlantic with this woman, followed by a 2010 marie claire interview with her. Lori Gottlieb, a seemingly bitter never-married 40-year-old single mother, recently published a book encouraging women to lower their standards so they can find a husband: Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough.
in these interviews, gottlieb argues that a woman should have a checklist and find a man that meets most of her criteria rather than holding out for love. we shouldn't be so picky while we're young, lest we end up old maids like she has.
this is all quite relevant to me (though you know i don't hope to technically marry), as too much work mixed with winter blues has me feeling lonely and doomed to forever be a girl among (platonic) men. as much as i enjoy the freedom of being single, i would like to find myself in a stable romantic relationship. but i'm in no hurry to settle for the next person i go on a date with.
gottlieb knows i will disagree with her:
in your 20s, because of this whole idea of empowerment and we-don’t-have-to-compromise-on-anything and we’re so independent and self-sufficient, a lot of us think, “Well of course I wanna meet my soul mate and of course I wanna get married, but if it doesn’t happen — that’s okay, I will be okay.” Better to be alone for the right reasons...anyway, she continues to insist that most women want to make a family and even claims that the domestic-goddess-housewife lifestyle is still an ideal for most women. while it's not the case for me, maybe it is true, but that's not really what inspired this post.
here it is: as i was reading this and getting all indignant and third-wave-feminist on gottlieb, i noticed a box of links in the right of the window:
remember i was trying to discern whence my distaste for my own kind? i'm thinking it has something to do with this.
i am lucky to have men in my life who like my mind and find my thoughts interesting. maybe they also think my boobs "look amazing" and wouldn't mind if i learned the "5 little things that make me more attractive". or maybe not. but when i pull on my standard outfit: leggings, skirt, stupid t-shirt and cardigan, the impression i hope to give is that i have a mind teeming with interesting thoughts. i'm not trying to trick anyone into the sack with me. my exact level of attractiveness is there for all to see.
women's fashion magazines put up a rather transparent facade of empowerment while keeping their readers trapped beneath layers of suffocating makeup and starving for attention and a juicy burger. the blatant superficiality of these articles turns my stomach. (ed. note: sorry for the cliche-overload!)
while i was impressed by the marie claire interviewer (a single-and-loving-it 35-year-old woman), i wonder how many lonely single ladies actually stuck it out til the end of the article instead of clicking on one of these links: