i've been having really vivid, mostly stressful dreams lately. but the one i think about almost everyday, despite it being months old, is this:
jeff and i are having some sort of text-based conversation (either e-mail or g-chatting) and he breaks it to me that everyone thinks i'm a nyrd (sic). he concedes that he is a nerd, but whatever. nerds aren't so bad. it's the nyrds that everyone hates.
this isn't a tough one to interpret: it is a blatant manifestation of my anxiety and self-doubt, even doubt of those i know i have solid relationships with.
mostly, i'm proud of inventing the word "nyrd". i pronounce it "nee-urd" in my brain.
the other night i had some solid SATC-esque time with eric, and discussed said self-doubt. then he told me to have faith, the opposite of doubt. at that moment, i did. it was easy. eric is awesome. ever since that conversation, my outlook on myself and my relationships with others has improved a billionfold.
i know it's kind of silly to deem that conversation an epiphany, but it was sort of a revolutionary moment for my psyche. when you're stuck in cycles of negative thoughts about yourself, hope is a distant object. having a trusted friend hand it to you in a crumpled paper napkin makes it comfortable and convenient. earlier that day, i had been lurking on a stranger's blog and relating to her posts about self-doubt; they reinforced my own. eric countered this at just the right moment and i haven't let go of his words yet.
so let this blogpost serve as inspiration and reassurance to all of you people out there: even if you are a nyrd, the people that love you will continue to love you unless you become a bad person (a nird?).
this is eric, ever the voice of reason and moderation: